Whether you choose courageously or by default determines which you have!
You either choose to build boundaries courageously or you end up building walls.
When you don’t have boundaries you do what everyone else wants, you people please, you don’t say no to anything, you over give and over-sacrifice yourself for others because you have no boundaries.
Some of us, me included, live decades without realizing we can say no, without realizing we can put boundaries in place.
What I learned is that when we don’t have boundaries we, by default when we get so pissed off at being everyone’s doormat, build walls. I built gigantic walls years ago as my self-protection mode and I’ve witness others doing the same and helped them tear their walls down as I did mine.
The truth is, it takes a lot of inner work, a lot of strength, a lot of courage to pull those walls down and put boundaries in place.
The first step is to choose your boundaries, to decide what they are.
Then you have to communicate your boundaries to people who have been used to wiping their dirty feet on you, to getting their wicked way with you all the time, to having you be their servant or maid and doing whatever they want all the time.
All of a sudden you’re saying “NO, I’m not available for that any more … I don’t have time for that … that’s not my responsibility”. You’re saying all these kinds of things and these people are like ‘woah what’s going on here’?
You have to protect your boundary; you have to stand up for it. You have to be the one who holds it in place because nobody else is going to do it – they’ve been used to walking all over you.
The bottom line is – if you don’t have boundaries in place that provide a safe place to be who you truly are, you will build walls. We do that by default.
It’s more beneficial for you to choose courageously what your boundaries are and then uphold them and guard them.
Boundaries are not isolating like walls
We can keep walls building higher and higher as we attempt to feel safe. All that does is isolate us even more.
Boundaries create a safe container, a safe place for you to be you.
With boundaries you know what you’re saying no or yes to. And all the people around you know how to behave with you.
Boundaries give huge permission and safety for you and everyone in your life.
My encouragement for you is to choose boundaries that are beneficial for you.
If you want help with that, you know where to find me.