Who are you choosing to be?

Oh NO!!! Not again!

“I’ve got a headache. You’ll have to go and milk for me!” He shouted at me from the other bedroom as soon as my morning alarm rung. Happened so frequently it became the norm.

I sank deeper and deeper into the mire that was my reality at the time.
The repercussions of disobeying were just too great for me to consider enduring at the time.
I felt within every cell of my body that my only choice was to obey him.

He is a classic and highly skilled, manipulative, controlling, lying, predator male who’d made sure I was totally removed from all contact with anyone who could support me.

I was totally isolated. From friends, from family. From everyone.


At his beck and call every moment of every day.

At his mercy … if I didn’t obey and behave as he expected the retaliations got worse and worse.

I had no choice. I got up, dressed and went to do as he commanded.

What surprises me the most, as I reflect, is how deeply I fell into the well of despair. How totally isolated I’d become. How completely alone I felt. How much control he had over me.

I realise now I was disconnected from life. Disconnected from people. Disconnected from myself! It shocks me to say it.

Yet I clung onto a tiny thread of me and it became the rope I used to rise up and out.

Climbing out was painful. Excruciatingly so.

Yet all along there was a tiny glimmer of hope. The light at the end of the tunnel. The sky at the top of the well. And the thread of hope, gradually morphing into the rope that enabled me to rise. To get out. To break free.

I won’t pretend I’m completely free of him, even though it’s more than six months since I evicted that bullying boarder from my home. He stalks me. He harasses me. I truly wonder why he bothers anymore. It’s such a waste of his time and effort. For I decided long ago that he would not win. He would not break me. Never again will he have any power over me.

I will continue to rise and become the women I was born to be. Stronger for this experience. For I am a courageous woman! Cos the truth is that everything we experience in life moulds and shapes us into the person we become.

Who I was yesterday is not who I am today. As I reflect on that woman who was me a year ago and I don’t even recognize her anymore. I’m so different now and I love the now me so much more!

At every moment in life we choose who we will be. Looking back, I realise now that for many years I didn’t make that choice consciously. Unconsciously I chose by default to stay in the situation I was in and sink deeper into the mire. No longer.

Now and forever more, in every moment, I choose to be a courageous woman.

Who are you choosing to be?

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Daphne Wells, Certified Professional Coach, Facilitator and founder of Passion for Growth, guides you to grow your business to full bloom while creating a lifestyle you love so you can make a difference and make money. For over 6 years she has represented highly-motivated, courageous and successful women in business, small business owners, coaches, therapists and entrepreneurs. As an ICF credentialed coach, with a history of birthing and growing small businesses, Daphne has a deep passion for inspiring you to recognise and appreciate your magnificence whilst you grow your fabulously successful business. Her true magic lies in empowering you to do it your way. She lives in the beautiful South Island of New Zealand from where she works with women business owners and entrepreneurs worldwide.  She’s President of ICF NZ Southern. Take her FREE quiz ‘Discover the current shape of your self-love’ at www.DaphneWells.com